“Finally that asshole put up a new post!” I know that is what you are probably thinking. I apologize for the length of time between posts but I was ill. It was probably a hippie conspiracy to shut me up. My theory is that they switched my Baconator with a soybean substitute that did not agree with my stomach. It had to be those damn hippies because all my thoughts turned to crappy music (Bjork, Amy Winehouse, Phish, etc.), blaming the government for everything, and reciting poetry.
Anyways on to today’s topic: Assassins!!! Who can we get to start eliminating hippies? The list of volunteers would be long (the military, people with common sense, anyone who washed their hair today, or apparently the elderly). In case you haven’t heard the elderly have joined my cause and the first shot has been fired. In case you haven’t heard an elderly couple, probably looking for Country Kitchen, crashed into a Panera yesterday. Watch all you bean sprout and cucumber sandwich lovers out there. The elderly are perfect to take up the militaristic wing of the anti-hippie movement. First some have experience fighting vile human beings from WWII. Second no one is going to convict his or her grandparents. Finally they suffer from Alzheimer’s so they won’t remember who gave them the orders. The beautiful wrinkly geezers are just the weapons America needs. EXTERMINATE THE HIPPIES!!!! Don’t worry you won’t have to wait long for the next post; it should be up on Sunday.
July 20, 2007 at 9:40 pm
I must take issue with your stance, as it has glaring holes it its logic.
First: this ‘assasination attempt’ took place in Wilmette, a rich north shore town which is more home to ENRON than PETA.
Any self respecting hippy will drive a Toyota Prius or other hybrid… or just ride a bicycle. This is not the case with the good samaritan Eric Smoot that came to the elderly John David Chapman’s (the guy that assassinated John Lennon) aid after smashing through the storefront. No If you go further into the article, you’ll notice that the elderly woman “nicked Smoot’s black Porsche SUV” before slamming into the Panera.
These two points alone are enough for me to, with an air of superiority and deep personal satisfaction, slam my gavel down in:re this case. In my opinion, the elderly are working toward the favor of us youthful people of the world, trying to rid the world of one (or in this case 8… although unsuccessfully) more SUV driving, Bush supporting, O’Reilly Factor watching, Upper Class snob who’s slummin it in a North Shore eatery.
July 20, 2007 at 10:06 pm
I thank you for expert insight into this hippie situation, but I feel you are mistaken on the target of the car. The elderly woman was targeting the children of the “SUV driving, Bush supporting, O’Reilly Factor watching, Upper Class Snob,” who believe that boycotting Starbucks, handing out pamphlets promoting Gay marriage in Wisconsin, and spew insane articles on the internet, are actually making a difference. We have both been to Panera and have witnessed the people who frequent this establishment. By the way I must admit in total fairness to Panera that I love the pumpkin muffins. I do not go often but I am fully aware that by stepping foot in that establishment I am risking my life for the good of humanity. With every war there must be unintended casualties.
July 21, 2007 at 12:21 am
here we go.
Ok, there is a rather large difference between canvassing to remind people that there was a ballot measure on the upcoming election that would BAN gay marriage, which is discriminatory… and handing out pamphlets promoting gay marriage. on one hand, we’re telling people to pay attention to what they are presented with to vote on… and on the other, you’re telling people to marry the same sex. kind of different.
starbucks was doing something i disagreed with, so i didn’t buy coffee there. i’m sure that if Wendy’s was putting soy in your baconater, you’d stop eating there.
and i most definitely do not spew insane articles online to make a difference. there’s a unique characteristic about me that a lot of people don’t get… i usually don’t care what they think. so, when i write an article, it’s not to sway someone’s opinion, it’s just to make them hear mine. much like this comment…
much love bro, keep the hatin up!
July 21, 2007 at 10:40 am
See that is why I love you Robb; you are able to put a positive spin upon you hippie attributes. I’m glad you took the comment in jest and not in anger.
July 29, 2007 at 9:23 pm
I support gay marriage if both chicks are hot