Jesus spoke to me today in a way that he knew I would understand. Before today I had never believed that Jesus could speak to us or that he even existed. Today after waking and sending my son off to school I was home alone. With several hours before work and no one at home, I decided to take care of a little “business.” As you, my readers can tell from my blog, I have a very good imagination so I proceeded without the need of material assistance. About halfway through said business a frightful image popped into my head. It was the redheaded sea hag!!! My fright of gingers is well documented and deep rooted and this image stopped me cold. She wasn’t touching me, just staring with her piercing fire red eyes. There was no recovering from it.
The only being who could stop my delights would be Jesus, or a supernatural being that I have taken to be Jesus. He shed light on my transgressions and I will be forever altered. Only he knew of my work on a blog that was horrifically blasphemous. How am I to continue a life of wickedness and self-degradation? Will my third leg be forever a reminder of my sins? I will keep you, my beloved readers informed as to my well being. I hate to cut this blog short but I am already late for work. Today could be a changing point in my life or just a hiccup on my road to hell. Comments are always greatly appreciated. Unfortunately no hippies were harmed in the making of this entry.
December 18, 2007 at 2:01 am
So, you just stopped? Fuck that.
Yeah, the redheads have never really done it for me. It’s not that i have anything against them, it’s just that I don’t get off on it at all. Some people are nuts about it. I just don’t get it.
Well, here’s to hoping that the holy trinity stops messing with your holy trinity, and you can sully the spank towel once more!
December 18, 2007 at 2:30 am
…….i dont even know what to say..
December 18, 2007 at 11:42 am
I thank you for all the encouragement Robb. I wasn’t just a redhead that did it but a particularly nasty one.
December 18, 2007 at 2:52 pm
At first I decided to pretend I didn’t read this today. Much like I had to do with another friend of mine who would constantly scratch his nuts and then enjoy telling me how the hair was growing back. But then I just couldn’t help myself….
Do you really think think that “gingers” are a tool of God, used to smite evil doers like yourself? An oddly formed avenging angel, so to speak? In the past God is alleged to have used locusts, floods and the like. Is it possible that he has scaled back and instead of going after your family, as he may have done with Job, he used a freckled, red haired woman to come after you? I’d be a little let down to find out that that is indeed the case. Although it could just be His way of speaking to you through a modern day “burning bush”.
Either way, as i like to say on a more regular basis these days, it’s comforting to know that when I get to hell I’ll know people….
December 19, 2007 at 3:44 am
Let’s be fair, Liv. You were the one that started the nut scratching thing. It was you who, when you saw me scratching my nuts said “Got some bugs?” or something lke that. I felt it was my duty to protect my good name. er, at least, my “bug free nuts” name.
I agree with you about hell. The only thing that i can hope for is that people like Fred are right about Jesus, so they won’t be bothering me in Hell. that would be… hellish?
Chris – Fight through it man! never let a little spookiness keep you down.
June 11, 2008 at 8:26 am
God truly works in strange ways, if he has this group talking about him!
Chris, I’m sure there is a girl somewhere in Spain wishing you had this revelation years ago.
July 11, 2008 at 9:55 am
Fuck…I don’t usually go back to the comment sections to reread comments so this may be lacking timeliness but is that Renee posting? I’m sure just reading this stuff will earn her a place in hell right along side me. Which in actuality is nice…she’s fun to play with.